She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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