I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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