they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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