and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
