Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
