my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I hope mine doesn't look like that
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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