We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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