So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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