im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
