I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
