Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
