when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the condom got lost in my hair
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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