he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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