I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize