I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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