she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
