No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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