She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
