she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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