Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
