She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
