Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
