1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This is the high leading the old right now
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
