I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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