U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
this must be what syphilis tastes like
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
