I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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