Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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