My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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