2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
