Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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