Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Are we still banned from the library?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
