I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
