am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
