u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
