did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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