I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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