you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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