dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Come share oat with me in your robe
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
