So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
