She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize