the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Acid is not a monday night drug
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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