I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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