kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
