i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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