lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
