Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i came on her dog
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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