I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
