I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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