this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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