i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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