I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
