i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
