He disabled his match.com account in front of me
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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