Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
