Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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