The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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