well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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