id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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