I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
