Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
