True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
