your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
