What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
