He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
