She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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