Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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