covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
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Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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