she takes plan B like it's going out of style
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
