nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
