Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
