I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
