someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Me. At least after what I've been through.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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