Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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