she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
