Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
