I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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