dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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