I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
