Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i permit you to call me
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
im holly from the hills drunk
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
