so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
