i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
