I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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